Cause the commute to work isn’t the most glamorous/ exciting/ happiness inducing thing I do in my every day (legit induces rage – so much rage) … But I ain’t for walking to work #healthPfft so a girl’s got tube what a girl’s gotta tube! So here are some of the many things that make me want to breakout like the hulk when I am commuting to work – we’ve all been there! Oh, and all the things that go through my head during.
1. You don’t need to slam your Oyster card onto the sensor you idiot.
2. Dear sensor god, please scan my Oyster correctly and let me enter these decrepit gates without bruising my womb again (honestly, the amount of times I have slammed straight into the doors #awks)
3. Who is this idiot tourist – MOVE people: this isn’t so you think you can walk slow.
4. ** In shouty thoughts ** WHY ARE YOU STANDING ON THE LEFT???
5. Who the eff stole my spot on the platform? Dude, this is MY spot!
6. Buddy, there is another train in 2 minutes calm down.
7. Seriously, children should be banned on the tube between 8-9 am.
8. Why is it satanically hot on the Central line… ALL.THE.BLOODY.TIME?
9. Move down the carriage. Any takers? Seriously, is nobody going to move down the bloody carriage? Ok, lets all stand in this tiny compartment all squished together!
10. Is that a hand on my butt or somebody’s bag?
11. Move your freaking backpack from my spine – my body wasn’t designed to contort like this.
12. Yep, that bloke woke up and thought ‘Today I am going to douse myself in a WHOLE can of Lynx’ ** coughs incessantly hoping they will clock on **
13. Did I turn off my straightener?
14. Oops, made eye contact with the guy opposite me.
15. Look away. Do not look into his soul.
16. I wonder how many germs are on these railings?
17. Oh dear god, I forgot to pack my hand sanitiser!
18. Gross that guy deffo just sneezed on me.
19. Ewww, and now he is putting his hands on the railing.
20. Dear god, why today do I forget my hand sanitiser. Definitely getting the flu tomorrow!
21. Oh now he got a seat. Thank god.
22. Nope, now he is stretching his legs out. Seriously buddy? Really? Let me just straddle your legs.
23. Oooh, I like that girl’s shoes. I wonder what…. whoops, nearly face planted then. What’s with all the jerking today.
24. I should probably hold on tighter.
25. Seriously people – stop leaning on the effing doors – the train will continue to jolt until you stop.
26. Tourist, pfft!
27. Seriously, If i have to sniff anyone else’s armpits today, I might vomit in my mouth.
28. Tube and personal space are not mutually exclusive.
29. Stop breathing in my ear canal.
31. Oh yay, this is me. Now to just squish my way through the door. Nope. Ok sunshine you are going to have to move from standing in the doorway. Nope, ok. I will go around. Nope. EFFING MOVE BITCH!
32. Thank you.
33. It amazes me how everyone knows how to form a line to get on the escalator… oops, spoke to soon. Where is my line. Shit, no I don’t want to walk up the escalator – I want to stand. Nooooo!!!
34. Why is there so many people ALL.THE.DARN.TIME?
35. Stop shoving me woman – I know I am in the walking lane, sheez!
36. Ohh yeah, I am full of health today. This walk up is doing me good ** stacks it ** ok, dignity gone. I think I just flashed everyone. Let’s try to sink into the standing line. Nope, ok… keep trudging.
37. Dear god, my lungs burn like a thousand suns. I really need to exercise more. That 30 metres was a killer.
38. Shit, where is my Oyster card?
39. Someone has definitely mugged me!
40. Oh, here it is ha. False alarm.
41. Winning – I chose the quicker line.
42. Yep, that is a map buddy. You don’t need to all crowd around it blocking the exit.
43. I see the light. I feel the air. Yes, I am free….. Oh shit, it is raining!
44. Where is my umbrella.
45. Fark woman, did you honestly just poke me in the face with your umbrella?
46. I hate humans.
47. Maybe I should just ride to work.
49. Now to face the day.
50. But first… Coffee!
So yeah, London has certainly made me a little ragey. But to be fair: I wouldn’t change a thing! I bloody love London.
What annoys you about your commute to work?
Images – Tumblr + Business Insider