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Listen up ladies – being single ain’t all that bad! The Oxford Dictionary defines ‘freedom’ as being ‘being able to slap on a face mask, jam around the house in your trackie-dacks whilst crooning to One Direction without judgement’… Well, ok, maybe something similar at least! That, and more, is why being single is actually the greatest thing you will do in life* (as judged by me).
These are a few more reasons as to why being single is awesome!
- The fact that you can spend as much time in your room, avoiding human contact, taking selfies, painting your nails, dancing in front of the mirror naked, watching re-runs of Sons of Anarchy/ drooling over Charlie Hunnam, pretending to work (when you are secretly sleeping), daydreaming about how fabulous you are going to look when you finally start going to the gym and clean eating (whilst devouring a whole block of chocolate and then endeavouring to start your health kick.. next week). See, there is no judgement when you are single (except maybe from your flat mate… I’m talking to you Miss Andrews – I know you secretly judge my sloth modes #Whatevs). You can basically be your own kind of basic bitch and nobody would give a shit. I am totally writing this whilst laying in my bed, eating a massive bowl of cereal and waiting for my face mask to dry… Life is good people: really good!
- You can sleep around… All over the bed. Left side. Right side. Middle! However well you bloody like – get all possessive up in that crib, girlfriend!
- You can take as bloody long as you like to get ready without someone pestering you from the next room telling you to hurry up! Cause hey, that sheet mask you have been wearing for 40 minutes in the hopes it will tighten and brighten your skin (and fingers crossed, will make you look like Gisele) is necessary... and that shit is exxy – ain’t nobody got time to rush beauty, sheesh!
- The giddy, fizzy and fuzzy excitement you get about going out on a Friday pub sesh and potentially meeting a decent (or maybe just hot) guy. My god; that is basically a soda stream for your heart ** explosions**
- Sharing your horrific dates with your dinner club. All those Tinder rendezvous that in hindsight are spectacularly entertaining. You might as well get a good laugh out of it.
- You can engage in Secret Single Behaviour (coined by Sex and the City ** preach **). I.e chucking your pants off the minute you walk in the door, unclipping your bra, throwing your hair into a messy bun literally on top of your head, eating a whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice-cream (cause calories don’t count after 5pm when you’re single) whilst binge watching Gossip Girl. Not that I do that. Every night. At 8pm!
- Sleep ins.
- Being of the knowledge that Bey basically wrote ‘Single Ladies’ for you. And you alone! That is essentially the greatest gift of all (mankind). We are all twisting our hands in the air on the inside.
- Hello girls brunch.. every weekend. Nobody complains about NOT seeing you when you’re single.
- You don’t gotta share you bed with a 10-foot heater who steals all the sheets ** shivers in the corner **
- You won’t be pulled into the wormhole of The Hobbit, car racing, Star Wars, or any of that typically male-oriented shit. Every time a female says they love The Hobbit to the boyf (when they genuinely hate it) in order to seem cool… a fairy dies.
- Not having to shave.. ever, if you like.
- Farting! Anytime, any place, anywhere #YOLO